Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Invisible War and Triggers

Last night, K and I went to my local Vet Center's Christmas dinner.  I knew that several other ladies from my MST group would be there and sure enough, two of them were there when we got there.  We got our chow first and then sat down with them.  There was a nice lady sitting directly across from us who turned out the be the wife of one of the male counselors at the Center.  After a bit, an older vet sitting next to her and asked me what branch I was in.  Navy. Then he asked if I was in Desert Storm, I said no, I was in '76-80.. then he asked if I was a Viet Nam vet. (See, only combat veterans and now, MST veterans go to the Vet Centers for therapy, not majority of veterans.) So he persisted in asking what war I was in. I finally said "The Invisible War".  After a moment he said "That doesn't exist".  WRONG!  I was there, I was in it. I can't have kids because of it, I was beaten and raped for four years, by my BOSS'S!!!  But I didn't say any of that out loud.. and today, I am kicking myself for it to some degree.

 I immediately stiffened up and K put his arm around me, giving me Reiki and comfort as I struggled to to not A) call him a bad name B) break out sobbing.   I had to give myself Reiki and take some really deep breaths.  I struggled and struggled.

I'll let it go that he just doesn't know about it.. But .. if he goes to a Vet Center.. and we ladies are going there because of it.. then I think they SHOULD know.. it was very upsetting to be challenged until I came up with the 'war' that 'qualified' me to get help at the Vet Center.  And then, to have him say it didn't' exist

Thank goodness for K... as he knew as soon as the exchange started that it was gonna be rough. I had been doing mostly okay till there. There was more then a little of that macho veteran vibe going on in the room.  But up till then, I'd been able to breath through it. After the exchange, I sat and shook for a bit.  The man left at some point, but the damage was done. I watched the clock until it was time to go. 

What did help, was that some of the girls from the group were giving me the thumbs up on K, saying how cute he is and how sweet. Yup.. that's him, my RL Hero.

By the time we got home, I was mostly alright.  I got much better after looking at Facebook and seeing the boost I needed:


Pretty good for something none existent huh???

Later, I heard K call his buddies something that made me both laugh, and give a harsh nickname to that veteran. MONKEY FUCKER. Yup... crass as all get out, but I likes it!

Let's keep our fingers crossed that The Invisible Warm gets Documentary of the Year.. That would sure say a lot to those of us that are veterans - and survivors of it.   And maybe, educate some others about the existence of it and then help end it.

Over and out, 

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