Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Of Docs and Dentists

So today, I am going to see a civilian shrink.  The VA in its wisdom treated my VA doc like such poo that she left.  I came in on the day after Christmas to find a new doc who doesn't think we need to talk to work out my problems. She says its all bio-chemical.  Shit.. I didn't have these probs before I was raped multiple times.... my chemistry wasn't off then.   Just sat with her arms crossed and gave me a different medication to take and I was out the door within 30 mins of seeing her. PFFFFTTTT! Screw em!

I like my vet center doc a lot, she's awesome... but now, I have this fear about getting started with a Vet Center doc and them leaving on me. So I came across a web site called "Give an Hour' where therapists are donating time to veterans with PTSD.   So today at 1pm, I have an apt to meet one.  I hope she will be nice, and I hope that I can do some long term stuff with her that I've gotten gun shy to do with my VA docs.  Losing my last VA head doc was very traumatic. She was really on my side and was doing all she could to help.  She understood how I felt about my meds.  She was kind and compassionate, all the things this new VA doc isn't.  I've come to feel that for my well being, I need to work with a doc that I don't fear will leave just as we begin to work on my past.  This way, if they leave, it won't rock m,y world as much, I'll still have someone with my history, and I won't have to tell the whole ugly mess yet again.  I am still going to my MST group, and that is helping a whole lot. Got some new ladies, pretty messed up too. Makes me sad to know its all still going on out there. 

And my teeth have started hurting again, and since I lost 90% of the teeth on the left side of my jaw last year, my front teeth have separated and now I have an ugly ass gap there.  And every time I see it, I remember them asshats punching me in the mouth and I remember when those teeth came loose.  I went to see a new dentist at a denture place on Mon, and tomorrow I am going for a cleaning and then a exam, and maybe fillings.   I am not looking forward to this at all for sure.  But K is determined that I start to get my teeth fixed so I can feel better about things.  See, I can cover up the MST for the most part, except for my teeth.  Now, the damage is showing there, and every time it hurts or I feel I have to cover my smile now (remember from my post 'the tooth'... well, I still am missing one of my bottom teeth all together) from embarrassment.  It was very hard at the dentist. I'm sure he's not used to folks crying the way I did, or not being able to talk from shaking so hard.  I always remember getting slapped in the face at the dentist when I was in the Navy and him yanking out my top wisdom teeth with NO Novocain as well, and it sends me into a panic attack.  Only by giving myself Reiki am I able to function. 

Time to fill out some paper work and get ready for the drive. 

Over and out,

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Hollywood Missed the Mark - No Oscar for the Invisible War

Sooo we watched the Oscars, having some hope that Hollywood would understand the seriousness of the Invisible War and give it the nod, thereby recognizing all the veterans who have been damaged by the culture of military sexual trauma that goes on in all branches of the service. To show support for the troops and to enlighten the clueless But noooo.. a movie about a forgotten musician got the Oscar.  Not us, not the movie about Israel and Palestine... not even the movie about AIDS.  

For so many years, they brag about the Oscars also making a good political statement, and making folks aware of social injustice. But in this case, Hollywood celebrated Argo and Zero Dark Thirty, both military films, and yet, turned its back on real veterans suffering.  Abandoned us when we could have used their influence to be able to shed light on the military cockroaches who make a career of damaging folks like myself and the other brethren survivors of this war.  It was like they spit on us and opened the doors for it to continue.  It sucked and enraged many of us.

Left me heartbroken and disgusted for sure. I will say that I was thrilled to see that the Jeff Probst Show did a whole hour on the movie on Mon and even had the directors and survivors on.  I hope lots of folks go to see it, they did an amazing job.

Oh well... the battle meanwhile for the STOP act to go into action rages on.

Over and out,