Monday, November 30, 2015

Veterans Day March

Greetings Friends and Readers!

Just a quick updated note.  I got to march in Austin on Veteran's Day with Texas NORML Veterans, and, I got to hold the banner! I was soo excited! It was an amazing, amazing experience. I met so many other of the brethren that I hadn't before, including several lady veterans which was amazingly awesome!!! 

We launched Operation Trapped.. there will be more info soon!

We hope to collect over 1000 bottles to give to Gov Abbot next Veteran's Day!

Over and out for now,

Saturday, November 7, 2015

A New Position

PACT logo

PACT lobbying team at the Texas State Capitol

So, in my continuation of my therapy and progress in surviving and thriving with MST, I have this week accepted a volunteer position as the new Veteran's Liaison and Outreach Coordinator for PACT! I am thrilled to be a taking a leadership role in this great organization!  I joined the group at the beginning of the year and lobbied with several of them during this past session. Above is a pic of some of us from PACT that showed up to lobby legislators and many of the same came later to testify for 3785, the Medical Cannabis act, that was never allowed a vote. Little Alexis had a terrible seizure in Feb, and her parents moved her to Colorado, where now she is well over 200 days with NO seizures.  It was very sad that she could not come back to Texas to testify at the hearings herself, although her father, a quite remarkable man himself, and also a disabled veteran did.  Vincent and many of the folks in the above pic did testify, and you can see it yourself in some of my previous entries here.  

Vincent, I will always keep you in mind as I work for the betterment of 
all patients and their right to choose whole plant for themselves!

I have turned down offers from other organizations to do this, but when Tracy at PACT asked, I knew this was the group I had been waiting for to work for and with uniting more veterans in this campaign for justice.  PACT is all about patients. The Founder and Peerless Leader, Vincent Lopez,  passed away in Oct and we will miss his physical presence, but I have no doubt he will be everywhere we are as we continue his work. It is truly an honor to be able to help out in this great alliance.  We didn't get the whole plant through this year, but in 2017, I am sure we will, if it's not done by then.  But, I can still see patients and families needing to be united to be sure we get the bills written in the best interests of patients!

I read this great article (below) and it both triggered me and helped me understand why my PTSD is so severe.  Mine went on for years, and it wasn't just in one place. My supervisors were good at sending me to isolated places so they could do as they pleased with me.  On my second base, when it was the two of them.... well.. that was even worse.  I never fucking got a break from them asshats. I continue to work on getting better, but I know it will only get so good.  My fight to legalize medical cannabis is a vital link to my getting better.  I am working to  right a wrong, as I cannot work to right my own wrongs.  Getting justice and peace for patients is sooo important to me.  I have lost dear friends to cancer and opiate over dose.  I almost lost my sanity, and some of it's not coming back round the bend.

One of the things I realized that was different between MST survivors and Combat warriors, is that we both live with terrible trauma. But... their's isn't personal.  Ours is.  When your supervisor is raping and abusing you... that's as fuckin' personal as it gets.  In war, in combat, they are just trying to kill everyone.. it's not personal. You can be any soldier getting shot at.  But with rape.... it's not just anyone. They picked you, and they enjoy hurting and destroying you.  Well, since the best revenge is living well, I'll go medicate and blow a puff to those that tried to destroy me.  They did not. I'd rather be illegally healed then dead.   And now, as PACT's new and first Veteran's Outreach Coordinator, I plan on helping as many more as I can!   Now I have to learn Powerpoint and start connecting even more.  

Best to all out there,
Over and out,

PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Complex PTSD
Many traumatic events (e.g., car accidents, natural disasters, etc.) are of time-limited duration. However, in some cases people experience chronic trauma that continues or repeats for months or years at a time. The current PTSD diagnosis often does not fully capture the severe psychological harm that occurs with prolonged, repeated trauma. People who experience chronic trauma often report additional symptoms alongside formal PTSD symptoms, such as changes in their self-concept and the way they adapt to stressful events.
Dr. Judith Herman of Harvard University suggests that a new diagnosis, Complex PTSD, is needed to describe the symptoms of long-term trauma (1). Another name sometimes used to describe the cluster of symptoms referred to as Complex PTSD is Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified (DESNOS)(2). A work group has also proposed a diagnosis of Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) for children and adolescents who experience chronic traumatic events (3).
Because results from the DSM-IV Field Trials indicated that 92% of individuals with Complex PTSD/DESNOS also met diagnostic criteria for PTSD, Complex PTSD was not added as a separate diagnosis classification (4). However, cases that involve prolonged, repeated trauma may indicate a need for special treatment considerations.

What types of trauma are associated with Complex PTSD?

During long-term traumas, the victim is generally held in a state of captivity, physically or emotionally, according to Dr. Herman (1). In these situations the victim is under the control of the perpetrator and unable to get away from the danger.
Examples of such traumatic situations include:
  • Concentration camps
  • Prisoner of War camps
  • Prostitution brothels
  • Long-term domestic violence
  • Long-term child physical abuse
  • Long-term child sexual abuse
  • Organized child exploitation rings

What additional symptoms are seen in Complex PTSD?

An individual who experienced a prolonged period (months to years) of chronic victimization and total control by another may also experience the following difficulties:
  • Emotional Regulation. May include persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive anger, or inhibited anger.
  • Consciousness. Includes forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes in which one feels detached from one's mental processes or body (dissociation).
  • Self-Perception. May include helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings.
  • Distorted Perceptions of the Perpetrator. Examples include attributing total power to the perpetrator, becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, or preoccupied with revenge.
  • Relations with Others. Examples include isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer.
  • One's System of Meanings. May include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

What other difficulties are faced by those who experienced chronic trauma?

Because people who experience chronic trauma often have additional symptoms not included in the PTSD diagnosis, clinicians may misdiagnose PTSD or only diagnose a personality disorder consistent with some symptoms, such as Borderline, Dependent, or Masochistic Personality Disorder.
Care should be taken during assessment to understand whether symptoms are characteristic of PTSD or if the survivor has co-occurring PTSD and personality disorder. Clinicians should assess for PTSD specifically, keeping in mind that chronic trauma survivors may experience any of the following difficulties:
  • Survivors may avoid thinking and talking about trauma-related topics because the feelings associated with the trauma are often overwhelming.
  • Survivors may use alcohol or other substances as a way to avoid and numb feelings and thoughts related to the trauma.
  • Survivors may engage in self-mutilation and other forms of self-harm.
  • Survivors who have been abused repeatedly are sometimes mistaken as having a "weak character" or are unjustly blamed for the symptoms they experience as a result of victimization.

Treatment for Complex PTSD

Standard evidence-based treatments for PTSD are effective for treating PTSD that occurs following chronic trauma. At the same time, treating Complex PTSD often involves addressing interpersonal difficulties and the specific symptoms mentioned above. Dr. Herman contends that recovery from Complex PTSD requires restoration of control and power for the traumatized person. Survivors can become empowered by healing relationships which create safety, allow for remembrance and mourning, and promote reconnection with everyday life (1).


  1. Herman, J. (1997). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. New York: Basic Books.
  2. Ford, J. D. (1999). Disorders of extreme stress following war-zone military trauma: Associated features of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder or comorbid but distinct syndromes? Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67, 3-12.
  3. van der Kolk, B. (2005). Developmental trauma disorder. Psychiatric Annals, 35(5), 401-408.
  4. Roth, S., Newman, E., Pelcovitz, D., van der Kolk, B., & Mandel, F. S. (1997). Complex PTSD in victims exposed to sexual and physical abuse: Results from the DSM-IV field trial for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.Journal of Traumatic Stress, 10, 539-555.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

In which I get asked to be a Speaker at a Veteran's Conference!

Greetings Friends and Readers,

It's been a nice summer, now coming to an end.  We have had a series of visitors, but now that is winding down.  I post the above poster, because I have been asked to speak at it, and I am deeply honored beyond measure.  With this now being the 'off' season of lobbying, there is still much education to be done.   

I am mostly well. It's funny the things that trigger me as I have stated more then once.  Last week, it was an asshat on Bar Rescue, screaming about not having any women in his kitchen that got me shaking.  It reminded me of my Chiefs, yelling the same thing at me.  That I didn't belong in "This MAN'S Navy".. and that they would do all they could to break me.  Well, they did.. for a long ass time. But now... I am roaring back.. and I will fight for justice!!!!

Thats all for now.. I'll write more later..
best to all,
Over and Out,

Monday, July 13, 2015

My Testimony on HB 3785 and 837 - 4-28-2015

 I had meant to post the video for the hearing the Public Health Committee held, chaired by Myra Crownover.  70 people testified in favor of the bills, not ONE person testified against it, yet Rep. Crownover REFUSED to allow a vote on ANY of the bills heard that night. A true travelsty of justice! The only good development is that Rep. Crownover has decided not to run again. Thank goodness for that!

Published on Jun 25, 2015
Romana Monroe Harrison testimony before the Texas Public Health Committee on 4-28-2015 representing herself . Myra Crownover refuse to bring these two bills before the committee for a vote effectively killing any chance for passage. As a result many thousands of people will suffer and some will die needlessly. Hear their testimony that she heard and then you will understand the coldness and evilness of that decision by Myra Crownover.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Texas House Decrim Bill Hearing and Med Bill Hearing Updates!

So, HERE IS THE VIDEO from the Decrim Hearings on April 8, 2015. It's kinda scary to see some of the bills being presented before ours. Some interesting stuff for sure. 

The 'Joint Panel' (To quote Chairman Dutton) of starts at about 4:03 (that is four hours into the testimony), which was 3 decrim bills, and 1 prohibition repeal bill. I testified for two,HB 507 decrim, and HB 2165 prohibition repeal, or as he called it, David Simpson's Medical Bill. My panel of 4 witnesses, starts at around 6:16, I am the second one to testify. Ann Lee's panel (with Sheriff Louderbaker,not to be missed) is next followed by a panel with William Martin. I'll be isolating the clips this weekend I hope. But it's excellent watching, and learning. And the closing addressing is great. Watch it all if you have the time, I will again.

Annnd, we got word earlier this evening, that the Comprehensive Medical Cannabis Bills will get a hearing on Tue.  So I just got home today, and I'll be going back on Mon after my PTSD group.  I am so very relieved that I don't have to spend the next two years pissed that we didn't get a hearing.  I called Representatives on the Jurisprudence Committee today and asked them to please vote it out of Committee so it can go to Calender's Committee to be scheduled for a vote.  

I also called everyone on the Public Health Committee again and asked them to please schedule a vote.  I will be sending them thank you cards tomorrow! I will also be getting my folders ready for the committee.  It feels good to be moving forward.  

 I did make a leap of faith and reserved a room for Mon-Thur next week just in case we got the hearing, and we did! I am planning to stay an extra day, planning that it will get voted out of committee and so then I can go lobby the calenders committee members, and also the Jurisprudence Committee if they haven't voted it out of committee by the time I get there.  I will hope that they will. 

Well, that's it for tonight, it's late and I didnt' sleep well last night. Was great to get home today. 

Over and out,

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

More Time in Austin... Veterans Lobby Day for Medical Cannabis

Greetings Friends, Readers, Staffers, Legislators and anyone else that wanders by,

Today myself, fellow veterans, family memebers and supporters, were lobbying at the Texas state capitol on behalf of HB 3720, a comprehensive medical bill. This bill has the ability to help so many!!!   Why don't these folks see the priority of this? Because it's not their kid, their sibling, parent of friend.  It hasn' affected them personally like has us, the veterans who have lived through this shit.  (sorry to the proper, this is a sailor's web page, and the place I come o vent I am not in a legislators office where I have to mind my manners) and I' so fuckin' tired of the POLITICS of this.  This is LIVES PEOPLE!!!!!  <deep breath... deep breath>.  If you added up all the people affected by the illegality of cannabis, just medically, not even all those thrown into jail for a joint or a friggin roach Anywaays, if you added them all up, and then said some plant from the Amazon had been found to cure it, so many diseases, they'd be all over it. But because it 'marijuana, the demon weed', it can't be studied or tried. 

Lobby Day Press Conference

(I am the 3rd speaker)

Today was incredibly empowering, and difficult.  I had to tell my story, and it always has impact. But it's soo hard... like I wrote in my last entry about how it feels to have to speak about this.  Today.. it went one step further, and I actually spoke at a press conference.  The support from the Brethren was uplifting.  Speaking to a room full of people who haven't heard my story yet... makes me feel bad for them.  But the hugs I got today, was from my brothers...( I was the only female veteran in attendance!) buoyed me up for the rest of the day.  

I was a Team Leader for the first time, although I left them with a great veteran with lots of passion while I broke off from the group to join another vetern who has an appointmet to go see  Myrna Crownover. He was kind enough to let me tag along.  Yeah, I've written about her before, in my last post,  She was the one joking about us just wanting to get 'high' and triggered me so badly.  I did call her office and spoke to one her staffers about it  He was very kind, and told her he'd relay the message that I was offended by her comment.  I said 'Not so much offended, as hurt, and triggered because I was want my safe medicine!".     So the staffer we met today, was the same fella I talked with on the phone. He was very nice in person, and it was a pleasure to meet him.  I got the feeling he was all for us, but that she was the wall. Not anything he said, but being told that they have limited slots to hold hearings for, so they are choosing those that have the best chance of succeeding.  Well, if you don't hold a hearing, it SURE AS FUCK WON'T GET PASSED!!!!  What the hell???!!!!  Are they AFRAID OF THE NUMBERS THAT WILL SHOW UP???  He had to admit, they knew a LOT of folks would want to testify on it. I suggested that they do it the same way the Jurisprudence Committee did it, a session with all related bills at one table folks get three minutes to testify on one or any or all.  Four people at the table at a time, boom, boom, boom, boom, next.  Have a 'in the box' for the next four.  I testified at 1:06am.   And it went on for 3 more panels after that.  We left the capitol at 2:30am.   So it would be easy to do it that way with the CBD only bills, the medical defense bill, and the comprehensive medical bill.  LET THE PEOPLE HAVE THEIR DAY!  We KNOW it won't get through his session. But I do believe in Miracles... there is possibility on the Federal level, with the CARERS Act.

 Getting our voices heard is vitally important for another reason.  I  have run into several people who got involved this time  because of watching it online LAST TIME!  I watched and cried along with the patients who testified THEN, and I too became determined to focus totally on coming here to Austin as many times as needed this legislative session.  And so, here I am, on my 6th trip here since December.  I pray I will come back to testify at the medical hearings.  I would love to come back to watch a successful vote.. and my heart breaks... for the lives that will be lost in the next two years, while we wait... again.  Rep Dutton has been filing bills since 2003. Twelve friggin years... 6 sessions.  that's CRAAAAZY!   

At the decrim hearing, Ann Lee begged them to put her non profit, RAMP out of business.  I pray. one day.. All Americans will be able to use a medicine best suited for them.  DO NO HARM.  Not having a hearing, is doing more harm.  It's more then just a hearing, especially to us veterans, who can't help the children and families any more then we are.  Coming out to change things.  It will happen.. we all know it... it's only a matter of time with 23 medical states, and 4 legalization states.  There are some with enormous courage, like Rep David Simpson, who kicked the prohibition door down with his bill HB2165, repealing prohibition here in Texas. And truly, one of the kindest men I have ever met.  And Joe Moody, he is amazing too. So many good men and women.. and too many scared rabbits.  We veterans have had courage, now it's time for the legislators to have that same courage! 

As far as how this is working out for my therapy... it's been great!  I've had to drive here by myself.. get myself to and from the Capitol by my self, and find my way around the Capitol, but now I have a Rep Guide which has their room numbers (Thank you Cara for having me get one, invaluable!!!) combined with a map and beginning to understand the layout.  Telling all these strange men my story... has not gotten the least bit easier  to do though.  I have to fight not to cry.. and I don't want to look like a wimp...  by God the Navy was successful in teaching me to 'just suck it up sailor', in more then one sick way.  And yeah, the sicko's that attacked me, did like to use that term... fuckin' assholes....

Anyways... I think that's about all I can write tonight. But I owe ya'll a catch up on an entry about testifying in front the the committee.  Hopefully this weekend, after I get my testimony snipped out of it at least.

Okay.. well, I started out exhausted, and I still am, but at least I got some of the frustration out.

Oh yeah, before I go, I went to this great place, equine therapy for veterans.  Its about a 90 min drive, but I hope to get back into horses again as a part of my therapy.  The founder Jan, is incredibly nice, and the facilities are awesome!  They have a horse simulator that seems amazing.  Here is the web site:  Xena Project

As soon as I know I don't need to come here to Austin anymore, I'll be starting to go down there every week most likely.  They also have a llama and a bunch of goats!  It is very peaceful there.

Oh yes, and I finally have been getting dental services at the Houston VA. The diagnostic equipment isn't working very well, but the staff has been awesome, and my dentist, Dr, M is a kind and understanding lady. She gave me  a prescription for Valium to help me relax when I have an extended surgery or procedure. My friend J drove me to the one to get a bunch of fillings updated, and I was glad, cuz I was pretty woozy when I came out.  One of my trauma's was when a Navy dentist slapped me hard across the face after I involuntarily screamed when he went to pull out a wisdom tooth, over an hour after he had given me some Novocain.  Told me to 'suck it up sailor, don't EVER yell in here again!" I said "but it hurts Sir, the Novocain has worn off" and he said "Too fuckin' bad, it's coming out" and out it came.  Soo.. yeah.. I have to have some medicine to help me stay calm.  Kind lady dentists and the Outlander Musical helped me along very well through the last procedure.

Okay.. now.. I think that's it.  Thanks for stoppin' by. 

Over and out,

Thursday, March 26, 2015

This Is Some Hard Stuff to read...

Greetings Friends and Readers,

I had great trip to Austin, and I can't thank Zoe enough for opening her home to me and giving me a place to crash.  And for being so incredibly supportive. And to all the folks that I have met in this journey.  Well.. most of them. And thanks to Cara for also being so helpful and supportive in showing showing me the right offices to go to, and how to sign up for testimony.

Going on these trips... and being around all those people is very difficult for me.  Each step I have to take with lost ones in mind to take the next step. I picture my Grandma Ruth by my side when going down the halls of the State Capitol in Austin.  

The hardest when the time comes for me to have to tell my story... tell why medical cannabis is so important to me.  I feel that moment before I begin to speak... my throat chokes up, my heart races and I murmur to myself.. "Here we go..".  Has telling this ugly story over and over helped any?  Well, some.  But... it also brings it all back. It reminds me of the immersion therapy that I turned down. I didn't WANT to have to live it over and over. And yet.... for this cause, for Wendi...for Michelle... for all those lost to suicide, opiates, alcohol or cancer.. I have to.  But lemme tell you.. opening your mouth, and the words come out.. and you see the shock, outrage, and ... pity.... on the faces as you tell the story.. is like a plow churning up my heart.  Even writing this.. the bare and raw feelings.. hurts. But because I now have  a larger, and different audience then I've had in the past... I realize.. that I have to share it.  I need YOU... yes YOU.. the reader.. to read and feel.. You'll never understand... but perhaps, it will inspire you to help if you are not already.  

As I tell the story.. I can feel that Iranian pilot beating me again,  saying the words I didn't understand 'diplomatic immunity'... I remember him telling me I'd never have children.. I could feel.. horrid humiliation as he wanted me to, the searing pain as he did things to me I'd never experienced. I remember waking in sick bay.. being commanded to tell who had done this.. my weeping.. the sudden shock and silence when I named my attacker, then I remember the 'oh fuck, not again' from someone in the room before they all fled from me.   I  .. remember.. the nurse's kind and soft words... so sad as she tells me I'll never have children... at 17...I was too numb and drugged to feel the full impact of her words, the fulfillment of what my attacker had told me... as was the next part...  I especially remember the rain droplets like little diamonds on the long black coat of the man who  hissed a Direct Command to me to never, ever tell anyone what had happened, including my own mother......words of National Security.. diplomatic immunity... how he scared me more then my attacker...that I would be taken back to the barracks and I would tell everyone that I had fallen down the stairs late at night.  My throat chokes up.. and it's Lonnie, holding my up off the ground by my throat again, my feet kicking and trying to touch the ground... choking me into almost unconsciousness before he throws me to the ground and shoves his terrible, disgusting member down my throat, gagging me.. and then shoving me into the dirt as he does more evil  upon me. I feel the despair and rage when I see him with the Capt's arm around him as best buddies in off time, and he sneers at me. He holds up the key to my room and I know.. he's gotten something hidden. I saw someone try to escape him, and be slut shamed, charged with adultery, although she wasn't married, and drummed out of the Navy in dishonorable disgrace. I know he's won and there isn't any damn thing I can do but try to survive one more day.. to get out of 'this MAN's Navy' (His words) alive.  

I can't begin to explain the horror of that life.. day after day.. being a sadist's play toy, the despair I felt.. and how I just gave up even trying to advance... the shame in that in itself, and in turn also used against me to show what a loser I was.  But.. I did.. survive.. but I did not begin to live, until my Uncle did his intervention on me, and convinced me to use cannabis instead of alcohol to try and deal with whatever was murdering me from inside that I couldn't even tell him.. my most beloved Uncle about.. because of that Direct Order..that ruled my life for 35 years.  But.. he did save my life.. unlike my brother who died a few months before from alcohol poisoning.  Treatment at the Vet Center (NOT the VA) is giving some threads of sanity. 

Then.. I have to speak.. and I have to take that horror, and try not to shock my audience too much. 

Medical cannabis has helped with all this, more then I can say. The pharmaceuticals didn't help at all, only made it worse. I choose medical cannabis.  I don't want to be a criminal.  Today, I have my little cookie in me, and I can write this.. I can.. talk about.. and not have to re-experience what else I remember...

the cold of the gun under my chin. 
my finger on the trigger...
tears as I wanted the images of my past to just

and then.. I do as my beloved Uncle recommended to me.. I go have a puff of cannabis for breakthrough if my cookie isn't enough. And then.. I feel the relaxation.. the feeling of 'well being'.. in spite or rather dispite my past.

And then.. I can now guird myself up for another day, as a cannabis warrior here in Texas. 
I want to stop and retire.. I want to be able to STOP FIGHTING FOR MY MEDICINE.  I want Alexis to be able to come home to Texas.  23 days and no seizures since she had to move to Colorado.  I long for the day I can say she is safely home.  Please.. please help me do that if you are friend, staff, Legislator, caring citizen.

Tomorrow, I head to Austin again.. to take my package to Myrna Crownover, the head of the Health Committe here.  I pray and send energy that she will open her mind.. for she unknowingly triggered me very badly last Tue in the Capitol.  She was in the hall, as we were going by.. and said to someone on  our team "Yeah, I know, ya'll just wanna smoke pot and get high".  I .. was .. gobsmacked... outraged.. furious... TRIGGERED. NOOOOOO I wanted to wail..... I just wanna.. LIVE.. I WANT ALEXIS TO COME HOME.. I WANT SO MANY TO HAVE MEDICINE.." She has no idea that it was like stabbing me both in the heart, and back at the same time.  I forgive her her ignorace.. she must belive the lies my Grandma taught me about when I was young.. so I can understand. So I pray.. I pray hard.. when I can't do anything else but murmur to God.. soften her heart.. open her mind.. 

I broke down at group on Mon when I recounted the above scene..  my therapist.. shook her head and told me... how proud she is of me.. for going.. telling OUR story (for I am far from the only one) she said she supports me, and medical cannabis 100%... as do all the other ladies in my group. Another one also uses cannabis like myself.. the others are too afraid of what would happen if they get caught. But I hear of the side effects, I see a sister warrior on VA psyc drugs too out of it to hardly comprehend what we are even talking about.  

I am waaaay out of my comfort zone in so many ways now.  I also feel God's Hand firmly on my shoulder as I put each foot forward to do what I am now.  I never, ever wanted to have to tell people this story..but I am doing it for myself, my fellow warriors, for Alexis, the children and all the good citizens of Texas.

Sat... I will volunteering at Willie Nelson's Putt n Puff, a fund raiser to help veterans with trying to change the cannabis laws.  Another matter of walking my talk.  I am driving there myself.. I am staying at an Airbnb place about 20 min from the venue.  I'l come back on Sun.  I am nervous but also excited.  

Well. that's as much as I can write today.. 

Please feel free to leave a supportive comment.. I could use em.  I see folks come here, but I am talking to myself. That's okay.. as it is my journal.. but.... it would be nice to see someone acknowledge it. 

Over and out,

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Irv Rosenfeld - 30 Year FEDERAL Medical Cannabis Patient?

Welcome Friends and Readers!

Question: How can the Feds 
(or anyone else ) say cannabis has no medical value, when it's been keeping Irv Rosenfeld alive for 30 years, courtesy of our Govt??
If pictures are woth 1000 words, then maybe these three pics and Irv's story will enlighten you.

Marijuana Patient Gets 300 Joints Every 25 Days From The Government
April 17, 2014 By Blake

In November, Florida voters will take to the polls for the general election with the option to vote for or against a proposed constitutional amendment allowing for the medical usage of marijuana.

However, one Florida resident has already legally been a major benefactor of medical cannabis for over 30 years.

Irvin Rosenfeld at Silver Tour Vizcaya
Irvin Rosenfeld shares his stories with The Silver Tour, a non-profit organization created to educate the senior community of the United States about the medicinal value of cannabis.
Federal Marijuana Patient Lives In Florida

In 1982, Irvin Rosenfeld, a stockbroker from Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., convinced a panel of doctors in a hearing at the Food & Drug Administration office in Rockville, Md., that marijuana was the only possible treatment available for his medical conditions.

Rosenfeld spoke about his conditions and how he had worked with his doctor on a 10-year study prior to the hearing.

“I use (cannabis) to treat two conditions, one called multiple congenital cartilaginous exostosis, which causes tumors to grow on the ends of most long bones in my body, and pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism, which means that the tumors can develop at any age as my bones continue to grow,” Rosenfeld said.

On November 20, 1982, the FDA made Rosenfeld the second member of the Compassionate Investigational New Drug Program (Compassionate IND), a program established by the federal government after the landmark case of Randall v. U.S.  In that case Robert Randall, eventually the inaugural patient of the program, successfully argued the common law doctrine of necessity against charges of marijuana cultivation as a medical necessity.

Compassionate IND has been closed to new entrants, but has supplied as many as thirteen different patients with medical marijuana grown at the University of Mississippi.

Patient Gets 300 Joints of Marijuana Every 25 Days From The Government

Rosenfeld receives a tin of 300 joints of marijuana every 25 days for his treatment, and has become a public advocate for the legalization of medicinal marijuana treatment.  He said he would like to see the Florida amendment pass for multiple reasons, including education.

“Right now we’re not teaching future doctors about the medical benefits of marijuana in medical schools,” Rosenfeld said. “Once we’re able to get it as a curriculum in medical schools we’ll be able to learn about all the possible benefits and side effects.”

Benefits, Rosenfeld says, that include improving our endocannabinoid system, a group of lipids and their receptors in the brain that are involved in physiological processes such as appetite, mood changes, memory, and pain-sensation. Rosenfeld suggested that a lack of cannabis in foods and medicine has resulted in the prevalence of diseases such as Lupus and Chron’s.

“Just like the digestive system and our respiratory system, the endocannabinoid system produces important substances and some people aren’t producing enough,” Rosenfeld said. “We used to use cannabis in foods and medicine but the federal government took it out, leaving people cannabinoid deficient causing the body to attack itself.”

Medical Marijuana Allows A Normal Way Of Life

Because of his access to medical marijuana treatment, Rosenfeld says his life has completely changed for the better. He is able to volunteer for Shake-A-Leg Miami, a not-for-profit organization that works with children and adults with physical, developmental, and economic challenges.

“Without marijuana, if I was still alive, I’d be on disability and living off the government,” he said. “Instead I’m a productive member of society, working as a stock broker and a volunteer of 20 years for a program that helps disabled people by giving them the opportunity to go sailing.”

Although Rosenfeld is a major proponent of legalizing marijuana for medicinal purposes, he said he thinks Florida is a few years away from considering an amendment for the recreational use of cannabis.

“We’re still in an educational process with marijuana, which is why it is important to legalize it medically and start teaching it in medical school,” he said. “Three to four years down the road, once doctors have had a chance to study (marijuana) and its effects, then it might be possible.”

Remember Irvin’s Story

bookfrontcoverWhen asked if there were one thing he would like Florida voters to consider before heading to the polls this November, Rosenfeld said to think about his story.

“I’m living proof that medical marijuana works, and can help change someone’s life for the better,” he said.

You can read more about Irvin Rosenfeld and his journey to gaining access to medical marijuana in his book, available at
Irv is not lazy, nor is he a 'couch potatoepotato'.  All most cannabis patients want is the medicine our doctors tell us is a good medicine for our ailments. Like my VA and Vet Center doctors.   Why is politics between me and my best medicine?  Please read with an open mind and heart. I am only one of thousands of Texas veterans that want - and need medical cannabis.

Signing off from the Texas State Capitol grill,
over and out,

Friday, March 13, 2015

A Part of My PTSD Treatment Plan - Going To Austin to Lobby for Medical Cannabis

Greetings Friends and Readers, Legislators, Staff and Supporters,

I have been asked to go to Austin next week to be part of the Capitol Building Educational Exhibit - TRMP Coalition. I will be volunteering for the week there. It's a part of 'walking my talk'. If I want things to be changed, I have to be involved. I spend a good chunk of money getting 30 sets of my letter, PTSD and cannabis studies, plus copies of War Without End copied for the legislators I hope to meet and talk  with.  I am sometimes sick to my stomach at the thought that medical cannabis bill either won't be passed, or will be vetoed by Gov Abbot. That means two more years of being a criminal.  Two more years of suffering.  Why???  To what end???  I am having to fight for my medicine.  I also have a real problem calling and talking to the staff.. it triggers me back to the time I was being attacked in the service..and makes me feel like hiding in a hole. This.. is soo sooo hard to get out and do.  But I will do my best, for myself, my fellow veterans, for the children of Texas, especially Team Alexis. Brave little Alexis has had to move to Colorado to get the anti-seizure medicine that works best for her.(UPDATE 3/24/15 ITS NOW BEEN 22 DAYS) now that she is on a mix of CBD and THC oil, and while she was having seizures or trembles all the time before,SHE HAS NOT HAD ONE SEIZURE SINCE STARTING THE CANNABIS OIL!!!!  I'd say that bears repeating, SHE HAS NOT HAD ONE SEIZURE SINCE STARTING THE CANNABIS OIL!!!! 
How can that be a coincidence??? Her parents never expected it to work as well as it is.  The last big seizure left her with stroke like symptoms afterwards, so her parents made the heart breaking decision to relocate her, to SAVE HER LIFE.  Now, please realize, that this child can't come back to Texas until we change the law. The reason she can't come back to see her grandparents, family and friends is that CPS could take her away from her parents (who seem to have saved her life by taking her to CO) because she is a child with cannabis in her system.  Horror of horrors! 0.o  So as I have said many times, I do not fight just for myself, but now, especially that Alexis can't be here to fight for herself, I promise to fight till the last day of the session for her. And if we do not accomplish it this year, I will not stop. My reps will hear from me for the next two years, and until they step up and change the law.  

So, today was the last day for bills to be filed here in Texas.  Next round is two years from now.  Today,  whole plant medical bills were filed in both the House and the Senate.  This is very important to me, because I need whole plant to deal with my service connected PTSD and various pains, spasms, anxiety, insomnia and other malfunctions.  Cannabis by far is the least amount of dangerous chemicals. Far better then anything else I could take. I have talked at length about how the VA's meds turned me into a unfunctioning zombie.  I could not drive and had zero quality of life. In addition to that, I had to have my organs and heart checked for the psychiatric meds damage

Being a medical cannabis advocate is a part of my therapy at the Vet Center. And this past Mon, I had a general appt with my VA doc, Dr. P.  She asked how things were going, if I needed any more psychiatric meds.  I told her no, I am being 'illegally healed' by cannabis. She smiled and nodded.  TAKE NOTE LEGISLATORS OR STAFF THAT COME TO READ THIS:  My VA doc, says that YES, cannabis is the best medicine for my PTSD.  Off the record, but she wants to be able to say it on the record.  She is 100000% in favor of my going to Austin and working to change the law.  Bless her heart, she also helps keep me sane in that she sees the SCIENCE behind cannabis and KNOWS and AGREES that it will help me, and other veterans.  Listen up folks, SHE IS THE DOCTOR!!!  With all due respect, the vast majority of Legislators are NOT DOCTORS! Why, why are you torturing us with a refusal to see the benefits of cannabis???  You can NOT say you support veterans if you turn your back on the bills below... because you are turning your back on US- we who put our lives and minds on the line for America.  Here in Texas, 76% of folks feel medical cannabis should be legal. Please, don't say you are ignorant enough to believe that reefer madness bs. 

I got in a conversation with a Korean war vet at the car dealership waiting for my tires to get done today. All these years later, he still jumps at slamming doors and firecrackers.  He would be THRILLED to be able to use medical cannabis he said, and his wife would be glad for him too she said.  He's heard lots of good things about it, but he doesn't want to risk his home and family by using it.  What the heck???  Hasn't he more then earned the right to use a HERB to help himself?

Alcohol and chemical drugs are TOO dangerous! 

For folks that don't realize that cannabis has been a medicine in the past, here's this:

Below are the bills that have been filed for this legislative session.

2015 Legislative Session
Bills Filed 

We have reached the filing deadline! No more bills can be filed in the Texas Legislature for the 2015 Legislative Session.

Texas NORML has compiled a list of bills you need to know about for the 2015 Legislative Session. We advise you to set up an account on My TLO so that you can follow the bill’s progress or sign up for our Texas NORML ENewsletter so that you can get Action Alerts and Legislative Updates. We encourage you to prepare (find resourceshere and here) to contact your Texas Legislators and ask them to co-author, co-sponsor or support the following bills. Find out more here and here.

HB 2615 – Repeal Marijuana Prohibition – Authored by Representative David Simpson (R). This bill would repeal all marijuana offenses in Texas statutes. Read Representative Simpson’s release here.

HB 507 and SB 1417– Civil Penalties – Authored by Representative Joe Moody (D) and Senator Rodney Ellis (D). This bill would reduce possession of a once or less of marijuana to a $100 fine, removing the criminal penalty and making it a civil penalty.Review the highlights of the bill here.  View the current penalties here.

HB 3785 and SB 1839 – Texas Comprehensive Medical Marijuana – Authored byRepresentative Marisa Marquez (D) and Senator Jose Menendez (D). The bills establish a framework for dispensaries, growers, and manufacturers to provide seriously ill patients with the medicine they need.  The qualifying conditions are far broader than other bills, and would include:  cancer, glaucoma, HIV/AIDS, Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, Alzheimer's, PTSD, and conditions causing wasting, severe pain, severe nausea, seizures or sever muscle spasms. Registered patients (and their caregivers) would be free from fear of arrest and could legally possess up to 2.5 ounces of marijuana. They’d also be permitted to grow up to six plants in their home, three of which could be mature plants estimated to yield four ounces each per year. Read the highlights of the bills hereRead more here.

HB 837 – Affirmative Defense – Authored by Representative Elliot Naishtat (D). This would provide patients and caregivers a defense in court if caught possessing marijuana and would protect doctors from losing their licenses for discussing marijuana. Read more hereAnd here.

HB 414 – Decriminalize One Once or Less – Authored by Representative Harold Dutton (D). This bill would lower the penalty for possession of one ounce of marijuana from a Class B to a Class C Criminal Misdemeanor. Learn about Criminal Penalties in Texas hereView the current penalties here.

HB 892 & SD 339 - Limited CBD Only Bills - Authored by Representative Stephanie Klick (R) and Senator Kevin Eltife (R). These bills would allow for CBD only medicines to be used for people with intractable epilepsy in extreme cases. Review this information on CBD vs whole plant and Texas NORML’s opinion here.

HB 557 – Research Hemp – Authored by Representative Joe Farias (D). This bill would allow for the growth or cultivation of industrial hemp for certain research purposes.

HB 1322 Industrial Hemp - Authored by Representative Joe Farias (D). This bill would allow for the growth or cultivation of industrial hemp for industrial/agricultural purposes.

HB 325 – Decriminalize 0.325 oz or Less – Authored by Representative Gene Wu (D). This bill would lower the penalty for possession of 0.325 oz or less of marijuana from a Class B to a Class C Criminal Misdemeanor. Learn about Criminal Penalties in Texas hereView the current penalties here.

We encourage you to reach out to YOUR Texas State Representative and Texas State Senator and encourage them to Co-Sponsor these bills. Then please contact the Committee Members and request a hearing to be scheduled. Finally, please take a moment to thank each of the courageous legislators!

We also welcome you to come and visit the FIRST Cannabis Education Exhibit put on by Texas NORML and our Coalition, Texans for Responsible Marijuana Policy, at the Capitol Building from March 16th-20th. Learn more here. There will also be a Patient Lobby Day on March 25th and a Caregiver Lobby Day on March 26th. And see how ourCitizen Lobby Day on February 18th went here. And please keep our Lobby Campaigngoing by becoming a donor here!
Your Texas NORML Team

Well, that's it for this post.  I'll fill ya'll in when I get back from Austin,

Over and out,

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Triggered by a movie - Again....

Welcome Friends and Readers,

So, a movie got me again.  This time, it was the movie Fury.   I wanted to watch it, although K had some concerns. I don't like thinking I'm a wimp, and can't even handle a movie.  And this one was a WWll movie, and I thought I could handle it.  Until the scene with the new bootie. A kid just in for 8 weeks, and his first job was to clean the up blood and brain's of his predecessor in the tank.  The kid has to come out and puke part way through it... and I had to close my eyes.

What started the anxiety attack... was the look in Brad Pitt's eyes as he watched the kid, knowing what was to come, what he would face, what he would see..what he would feel.  He tells the kid not to get close to anyone. I could relate too much.. having been young and so trusting, so gullible, so innocent. I saw that same look on the faces of some of my fellow lady sailors who had a good idea what the asshats raping me were up to. Pity.  Inability to help. And I had that look for some of them too.  We were all powerless to stop what was happening, any more then that young soldier in WW2 could say he wanted to go home, instead of rumbling to the front.

 The scene that got me really bad came a few minutes later is when  the tanks are rolling, and the kid thinks he sees someone in the bushes. As he peers for a better look, the tank in front of him is shot with a missile of some sort, and explodes in flames.  The top pop's open and a soldier engulfed in flames falls out screaming.. then the flaming man stands up, take his pistol and shoots himself in the head, and falls.  My first thought was 'Thank God he had that pistol".. and then I started shaking very badly.. uh oh... before I know it, I am rocking and sobbing. K has stopped the movie and is comforting me.  I tell him, I don't want to be a wimp.  He says I am not.. that I have been through so much, more then he ever could have, and that takes strength, and that I am not a wimp.  He is also apologizing over and over for having let me watch the movie.  K plays the game Tanks with some of his buddies, and he is very interested in history. He is very sane and stable (thank God) and has been my rock while I have had my breakdown. He has held the shattered me gently and supported me in all ways.  I know some of my good friends are online, and so I tell him I'll go pop in and visit with them while he watches the rest of the movie.  He suggests I go have some 'medicine', and asks if I am sure sure that I am okay.  Now, it took about 10 min before I could stop shaking and have this conversation with him.  

This all hits when I least expect it.  I can barely to go movies in the theatre anymore, because I won't let us spend that kind of money, just to have to flee.  I can't go some places for the same reason.  Someone or thing triggers me, and I need to leave.  K has to deal with this every day.  I try so hard to be solid.. but sometimes... I feel like a diseased leaf, fluttering before a wind I cannot see nor control.  Up and up.. swirling around.  I want to be grounded, I want to be solid. I want to go places and be strong.  But.... I am accpeting.. that I have to avoid war movies.  And other ones..  I had the same terrible affect when we went to see one of the Hunger Games movies.... Donald Southerland was soo awful, so horrible.. that he WAS the face of the men who attacked and raped me. Same smirk.. same self satisfied power trip.  

The two things that have helped, have been the therapy I have been getting at the Vet Center, and medical cannabis.   And now, advocating for medical cannabis, is giving me a shred of the illusion of control of my life.  My life, and sanity are in the hands of the politicians in Austin.  Going there to meet and speak with them, is very powerful for me.  It is making me proactive.  So is letter writing.. So towards that, I did my handwriting letters to my two Texas state reps.  

I hope they read them, and it touches their hearts.  And they will help us.  I read something else that got me very, very upset today. And it was this article:

I posted this to facebook:

Wow, so the aprox 22 veterans who commit suicide a day - Is from 2012, and is the stats from ONLY 21 STATES, & that DOESNT INCLUDE TEXAS - THE state with the MOST VETERANs per capita!!!! And DOESN'T INCLUDE CALIFORNIA either. Geeesh I had no idea - did YOU? (David Bass?) Holy friggin moly....all the more reason to fight for cannabis for PTSD and other ailments veterans have.
February 24, 2015
WOODLAND PARK, CO - In a public statement issued today, Roger Martin, Executive Director of Operation Grow4Vets, accused the Veterans Administration of murdering more than fifty Veterans a day.
According to Martin, “More than fifty American heroes are being murdered every day of the year by incompetent, heartless, bonus-driven bureaucrats at the Veterans Administration.”
When asked if “murder” might not be a rather harsh label, Martin responded, “What would you call people who, despite knowing that their actions are killing people, continue to order doctors to violate their Hippocratic Oath by shoving totally ineffective, dangerous prescription drugs down the throats of their patients? I call them murderers!”
Martin notes that, “On February 12, 2015, President Obama signed The Clay Hunt Suicide Prevention for American Veterans Act named in honor of a much-decorated Marine Corps combat Veteran who took his own life on March 31, 2011.
Clay Hunt was a true American hero in every sense of the word. Like far too many Veterans, he suffered from the aftereffects of war. Worse yet, his death was the direct result of the quagmire of red tape known as the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. This quote from Hunt was included in his obituary, published by The Washington Post. It is but one example of what Hunt had to deal with after returning home:
“You fight for your country, then come home and have to fight against your own country for the benefits you were promised,” Mr. Hunt told the Los Angeles Times in 2010. “I can track my pizza from Pizza Hut on my BlackBerry, but the VA can’t find my claim for four months.”
Martin labelled the signing ceremony a “dog and pony show” and something most of the politicians in attendance simple saw as another opportunity to gain political points under the false pretense of being pro-Veteran.
Martin went on to say that he watched the entire 22 minutes and 53 seconds of this ceremony and the President made the statement that, “Sometimes talk is cheap.” Most importantly, President Obama also noted that “…. American hero, Clay Hunt, struggled to find the right medicine to help him with his PTSD.” Martin’s message to the President, “The right medicine is cannabis, Mr. President.’”
All Veterans are asking is that the President walk-the-walk. He can order the VA to mandate that their doctors offer Veterans cannabis as a safe alternative to the deadly drug cocktails that, once again, killed at least 50 Veterans today….just like they did yesterday….just like they do every day of the year.
It is an unfortunate fact that VA medical personnel have their treatment options unethically restricted by the Veterans Administration. Too many of these people are concerned only about keeping America’s bravest in a drug-induced stupor until they either give up hope and take their own lives, or die from a prescription drug overdose. Far too many Vets are being forced to take 10, 15, 20, or more different drugs a day.
Martin is calling on VA medical providers to stand up for their patients by demanding that VA administrators allow them to recommend cannabis as a safe treatment alternative.
Many Operation Grow4Vets members have been able to either reduce or completely eliminate deadly prescription drugs from their treatment regimen. “Countless Veterans have told me that cannabis is the ONLY thing that has ever helped them in dealing with the horrors of PTSD,” Martin says.
The VA claims that twenty-two Veterans take their own lives every single day of the year. Martin wears a “22” dog tag around his neck in honor and remembrance of those lost American heroes. This number now seems to be touted in virtually all Veteran-related media coverage.
Until a few days ago, even Martin accepted that twenty-two might at least be somewhere in the ballpark. He was wrong!
Here are the true facts: The twenty-two number comes from a 2012 study conducted by the VA that included statistics from only twenty-one states. And, of the twenty-one states that supposedly provided numbers for this study, twenty-three percent of the reported deaths had no ‘cause of death’ classification listed at all.
Worse yet is the fact that Texas, which has a population of almost 27 million people and is home to almost 1.6 million Veterans, was NOT included in the study. Neither was another state that the VA must consider statistically - insignificant - California! That’s another 38.8 million people of which nearly 1.9 million are Veterans. From just these two states, alone, the study omitted 65.8 million people and a Veteran population of at least 3.5 million.
Operation Grow4Vets has scheduled seventeen of their Cannabis Giveaway events in Colorado in 2015. The next event is:
February 28, 2015 — Denver, Colorado (11:00 AM - 2:00 PM)
Quality Inn Central Denver
200 West 48th Avenue
A second event will be held on the following Sunday:
March 8, 2015 — Colorado Springs, Colorado (11:00 AM - 2:00 PM)
DoubleTree by Hilton
1775 East Cheyenne Mountain Blvd.
About Operation Grow4Vets – The mission of Operation Grow4Vets is to help reduce the staggering number of Veterans who die each day from suicide and prescription drug overdose. We provide Veterans with the knowledge and resources necessary to obtain or grow their own marijuana for treatment of their medical conditions. We are working to raise awareness by enlisting the public’s aid and support in ensuring that all injured and wounded Veterans receive the respect and dignity of life that they deserve. Our purpose is to provide Veterans with unique products, programs and services designed to assist them in living with injuries sustained while protecting our freedom. Operation Grow4Vets is a national, nonpartisan organization headquartered in Colorado. To get involved or to learn more, visit
Individuals can show their appreciation for the sacrifices that America’s heroes have made by making a donation online at:, by sending a check to: Operation Grow4Vets, Post Office Box 4348, Woodland Park, CO 80866, or at any Operation Grow4Vets event.
Cannabis related activities are conducted only within jurisdictions allowing such activities. Operation Grow4Vets is a 501(c)(19) nonprofit, exemption pending organization.
Press Contact:
Robyn Peterson
Media Relations
(720) 296-9230
Like ·  · 

I am asking any who come here, to please, do you best to help us change the laws, so that we can stop the horrors of this suicide epidemic.  I wanted to kill myself too.. and cannabis is the only thing that kept me above the water.  I NEED  THC, that horrid chemical that makes one feel HAPPIER.... when folks say, "Oh, that THC will get you high".. as if that is the worst thing in the world. I replace it as my grandma did, with HAPPY.  I remember her saying "what on earth is wrong with a medicine that makes us feel HAPPIER AND BETTER???"   So when you are all up in it about keeping THC away from anyone that it make make 'high'... try changing that word with HAPPY.. and see what that brings to the context.  

Over and Out,