Friday, May 23, 2014

War Without End

Greetings Readers and Friends,

So, the article I wrote about previously has come out, in Texas Monthly,and the author has done a bang up job of it!  George Strait is on the cover, and I expect he'll get a copy of it, which means he may well read it too.  I've had some feedback already from folks who thought it was quite excellent.  I'm happy.. that my horrid experience's may somehow be used to promote something good.  Then I suppose.. all of what happened will NOT have been in vain... not ever having babies.. and never being honest with my mom about it.. and... and.... and.....

Anyways.. without further adieu, here is a link to it: War Without End, click on the PDF and you get just the article.

It's been a bit triggering, but darn if Bill didn't do an awesome job.  Taught me a lot I didn't know (Like there are some 1.5 million veterans here in Texas) along with several big bases, it makes it a Texas issue.  I will be going to the event Bill invited me to in mid June, and two dear friends are going with me.  I think some other local friends will be a well. 

Some of the things our Texas politician's have said about cannabis I'm sure comes just from their lack of actual knowledge of it, or how much it can help folks.  As a 3rd generation medicinal user, I have seen it help all those in my family that allowed it too.  I'll never, ever be able to thank my Uncle J for helping me sooo soo much in teaching me to use cannabis instead of alcohol. And after my mother died, the last of my immediate biological family, all dead from AL-FRIGGIN-CO-HAUL(you off to death) while we 'water brothers' are still alive and most doing very well.   

This is.. very scary for me. To talk about my military sexual trauma like I have to do.. is one long kept secret, but my cannabis use, is quite another.  The sheer amount of help it gives me to cope with my over active emotions, from up to down, it keeps me steadier and happier.  Some one in the article mentioned the feeling of 'well being'... and that.. is about the crux of it.  When you have been tortured for years by the actuals, and then, forced to repress yet relive it for more years.. well, any sense of 'well being' is hard to come by, and cannabis is one of those things that can do it.

Thanks to all that comes here. I am still... having a hard time.  Sometimes, I cry over the dangest things.  Or I rage at the injustice that continues on a daily friggin basis on so many levels..  Like the kid recently busted with pot brownies, and they are charging him for the whole weight of the brownies. Heck, even if they were hash brownies... goodness, they are talking about life in prison for a 17 year old. When is this insanity going to end???  And a colonel's conviction of sexual assault and sodomy plus other charges was overturned because of the directive that came out telling prosecutors to go harder on sexual assault predators. And so for fucks sake, they let him off because of the negative publicity about it???? REALLY?????   Okay.. deep breath. .deep breath. think peaceful thoughts.... 

Meanwhile in Colorado... where cannabis has been legal for almost 6 months... robberies and violent crime is.. DOWN by a significant amount.. Hmmmm... well then.

<sigh>  I just know the good people of Texas will come around.. they love us veterans as much as we love our state.

Over and out,

Tuesday, May 13, 2014


I came across this just now, and felt it needed to be added here.  I like to bring good news whenever I can, and this seems good.

From the Protect Our Defenders blog.
"While we didn’t get all the votes we need, we are making serious progress. And everyone is talking about Congressman William Enyart, a former military prosecutor, staff judge advocate, and commanding General, who after deep personal deliberation and soul searching had a change of heart and voted in favor of the amendment.
Watch Rep. Enyart’s impassioned and heartfelt speech here."
Congressman William Enyart's Change of Heart

This happened on May 8, 2014, just a few days ago. It shows that through education, we can promote change.  It moved my heart greatly to hear someone who has served in all capacities in the military in the military justice system come out and say yes, the prosecution needs to be taken out of the hands of Command! 

Published on May 8, 2014
Learn more at

Date: 5/7/14. Transcript:
Thank you Mr. Chairman. I've listened to this debate with a great deal of interest, and very conflicting thoughts on it. I'm probably unique in this room in that I've served as a military attorney. I've been a prosecutor. I've been a defense attorney. I've been the staff judge advocate, and I've been a commanding general. So I've served in each and every one of those roles. Many years ago, defense attorneys were taken out of the chain of command, because of the concern of the appearance of impropriety. The concern over the possibility of command influence. And after debating the issue in my own mind, I've come to the conclusion that we need to do the same thing with the prosecution. And I don't state this lightly, because as a former commanding general I value very highly the ability to have control over the UCMJ. But I think that we need to set the office of the prosecutor free from the possibility of command influence. Commanding generals writes the OER, writes the Officer Efficiency Report, controls the promotion of the staff judge advocate. And so even if you have the most honest above board commanding general in the world, the staff judge advocate may well feel as though he or she is being influenced by that commanding general. So it is with reluctance, I have to say, because I understand all the roles that everyone of those people plays in that, and I believe that the news stories that we've seen about generals gone wrong are the aberration. The vast majority of military attorneys, military commanders and military personnel are of the finest caliber. But unfortunately we've had incidents of people who have no right to serve in the position they served in. So I'm going to vote for Representative Speier's amendment. Because I've been convinced after listening to the debate, and particularly Representative Gabbard's remarks, that we need to take military prosecutors out of the chain of command.


So we are making progress, we have to just keep educating and ringing the bell so that our service personnel will finally get a REAL Justice System.  

Over and out,

Monday, May 12, 2014

An Article Will Be Coming Out

Greetings friends and readers,

So, on or about May 20th, the newest Texas Monthly magazine will be coming out.  I'll be posting it here after it does.  It will be stories of 4 different Texas veterans with PTSD who prefer to use cannabis as their medication.  This IS a NATIONAL issue for sure now.  Being interviewed for this article has been both triggering and yet rewarding.  I feel like I am speaking not just for myself, but also for other vets I know who would prefer to be able to use it too!  This blog address will be included someplace, and so if you came here from that link - Welcome!

The kind, kind professor writing the article is a husband, father and son.  He is appalled at the existence of MST and how bad it is.  He sent me a very nice email, explaining how hard he had fought to get more of my story included, but that it was over ridden by the editors for differing reasons.  Thank goodness I had MST group today to talk to my therapist and other Ladies in the group about it.  The story of my rape by the Iranian and my supervisor on my first base is included.... but the rapes on my second base, also by my supervisor, in fact there it was TWO FUCKING SICKOS...who took turns keeping me degraded and terrified.  But.. in the opinions of the editors (not the dear writer who fought to keep it in) it was just TOO much and might make my story seem unbelievable to some. Welll..its NOT unbelievable to the VA who gave me my disability based on the TRUTHS OF IT.    Mad??? No.. frustrated and furious is more like it.  Sigh... do I understand their point, yes, I do. And as I wrote back to the author last nite, and I did mean it... as Jack Nicholson shouted "You can't handle the truth!".  In this case, they don't WANT to.  Now.. I am very grateful that any of the story of MST is getting out, hand in hand with the wondrous benefits of cannabis to help PTSD and so many other things. 

 (And off topic for a moment - WTF Colorado???? Refusing to include PTSD for the fourth time for medical cannabis there???  How can the thousands upon thousands of soldiers and sailors from at least WW2 that I am aware of be wrong in all their repeatable experiences of the first hand benefits of cannabis to help with PTSD??? Sigh.. really???)   

So while I do understand the editors point of view...but for me, and my brethren- its triggering..and its insulting and infuriating.  When I read what the editors said to my MST group, there was a feeling of collective shock. Even our therapist was on the verge of tears.  We sat there...and then.. vented.  And was angry that our reality is so ugly... it can't be honestly reported for fear of upsetting folks.  Now, for me... as I have to repeat to myself... I understand.  This is a medical cannabis story, not a MST story. I am only one of four stories, and my story is no more important their theirs, other then mine reveal a secret that most folks are still unaware of.

 But .. to me.. cutting the 2nd part of my story out, diminishes the importance of how MUCH medical cannabis can help me.  Because my trauma is soooo sooo much more then just the incidents on the 'one base'.  I was at the 2nd base as long.. and the abuse actually went on longer because both of my predators were still there doing it to other ladies when I left.  And I was there a full two years.  Two years... of ... even worse horrors.  As bad as C was on the first base, he wasn't cruel and vicious like L was on my second.  C got off on getting a blow job mostly.  L was big on torture, pain and vicious humiliation.  And when P joined L on the base after I'd been there a few months, then it was DOUBLE the daily terrors.  But... that was all too much for the editors.  <sigh>   The prescriptions from the VA turn me into a zombie...and I have such a hard time functioning, and I resent how awful they can make me feel compared to the safer cannabis.  I never worried about the side effects of cannabis after knowing my grandmother and uncle had used it for so long and were so together in all ways.  <another sigh> 

Dear God.. please.. please let the politicians in my fine state of TX come to their senses and let compassion for their veterans over ride their unscientific fears.  Its not that things will change, many veterans are still using cannabis anyway.. but they fought for all freedoms, and they, we, deserve this best medicine You made this herb for all! Please, let them be free to come out of the shadows, let them get good, safe, clean -LEGAL medicine and find a healing from their nation and its grateful people - and its politicians!  Amen

Well... that's it for right now. 
 I bid everyone well.

Over and out,