Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Of Docs and Dentists

So today, I am going to see a civilian shrink.  The VA in its wisdom treated my VA doc like such poo that she left.  I came in on the day after Christmas to find a new doc who doesn't think we need to talk to work out my problems. She says its all bio-chemical.  Shit.. I didn't have these probs before I was raped multiple times.... my chemistry wasn't off then.   Just sat with her arms crossed and gave me a different medication to take and I was out the door within 30 mins of seeing her. PFFFFTTTT! Screw em!

I like my vet center doc a lot, she's awesome... but now, I have this fear about getting started with a Vet Center doc and them leaving on me. So I came across a web site called "Give an Hour' where therapists are donating time to veterans with PTSD.   So today at 1pm, I have an apt to meet one.  I hope she will be nice, and I hope that I can do some long term stuff with her that I've gotten gun shy to do with my VA docs.  Losing my last VA head doc was very traumatic. She was really on my side and was doing all she could to help.  She understood how I felt about my meds.  She was kind and compassionate, all the things this new VA doc isn't.  I've come to feel that for my well being, I need to work with a doc that I don't fear will leave just as we begin to work on my past.  This way, if they leave, it won't rock m,y world as much, I'll still have someone with my history, and I won't have to tell the whole ugly mess yet again.  I am still going to my MST group, and that is helping a whole lot. Got some new ladies, pretty messed up too. Makes me sad to know its all still going on out there. 

And my teeth have started hurting again, and since I lost 90% of the teeth on the left side of my jaw last year, my front teeth have separated and now I have an ugly ass gap there.  And every time I see it, I remember them asshats punching me in the mouth and I remember when those teeth came loose.  I went to see a new dentist at a denture place on Mon, and tomorrow I am going for a cleaning and then a exam, and maybe fillings.   I am not looking forward to this at all for sure.  But K is determined that I start to get my teeth fixed so I can feel better about things.  See, I can cover up the MST for the most part, except for my teeth.  Now, the damage is showing there, and every time it hurts or I feel I have to cover my smile now (remember from my post 'the tooth'... well, I still am missing one of my bottom teeth all together) from embarrassment.  It was very hard at the dentist. I'm sure he's not used to folks crying the way I did, or not being able to talk from shaking so hard.  I always remember getting slapped in the face at the dentist when I was in the Navy and him yanking out my top wisdom teeth with NO Novocain as well, and it sends me into a panic attack.  Only by giving myself Reiki am I able to function. 

Time to fill out some paper work and get ready for the drive. 

Over and out,

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