Got a Date..

For my Compensation&Pension evaluation. 1200pm Dec 4, 2013.   For a point of reference, I filed for this back in August of 2012.   Its take a long while to get here.   
Now...I am .. nervous.  This is for the 100% unemployability.  I keep going back to that last day of work, when my disabled client kept poking at me, barking and roaring. In a theater, till I had to remove, him, in the car doing some shopping errands, during lunch, and all the way home.  The only blessing was that he was confined to a wheel chair. But he could also had seizures, so I had to stay close.  That day, he knew on some level that he was terrifying me.  He had no idea that it was because it was just like those four years of hell in the Navy, when the different asshates that harassed, beat and raped me.. like to do the same sort of thing to me.  Keeping me jumpy and scared. I've been having that nightmare where the client gets out of the wheelchair and attacks me like the guys in the Navy did.  So then I get up and eat chocolate in the living room and drink milk and try to get myself back from that terror.

I did get my letter back from my last employer that the VA said they didn't get, that went out in the mail on Tue along with a copy of a letter from my first Vet Center doc, because even though they have it for my PTSD claim, they want it all yet again.  They wanted the dates and address of the Vet Center I went to. Sooooo.. I included the great letter that Dr. L wrote me with the address there circled and stapled it to the require form with the letter from my last employer.  I will.. be so .. relieve when all this is over.  It has felt like life is on hold until this is done.  The first week in Dec is when I had planned to go to CA to see family and friend, but that did not work out, and since that's now the date of the C&P .  I am.. so emotional and feeling like I am on the edge of something.  Beth... is the first name of the Evaluator I'll have to talk to.  This appointment is not at the VA, but at some place run by Lockheed Martin?  And there was a note in with the appointment letter saying that 'This is not the doctor treating you so realize that they will treat you differently.'  WTF?   I know this isn't my doctor of treatment.. but just that note.. feels so threatening.. that it got me spinning in circles.  Deeep Breath.. Deeep... breath...

So.. now as far as I know.. the VA has everything they want.. today on Ebenifits, Under "Things we need from others' it has the C&P company listed. That wasn't there yesterday.  So.. now.. we wait I guess... till the 4th... I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about the appointment and how its gong to go.  

Please think of me that day, and wish me the best.. and that I get a Christmas Miracle of my 100% unemployability.. and then.. they can finally fix the teeth broken by those asshats all those years ago, and I can also relax a bit.. and have a decent income to live off of. Not justice excactly, but.. recognition and compensation. yes.. compensation.

Time for another cookie....

Myst, 
Over and out.