Monday, January 13, 2014

"Here, at the end of all things"

Well.. dearest friends and readers.  It. Is. Done.  I got the unemployability, with the magic sentence that it is permanent and no further appointments are required.  Andddd.. amazingly enough.. they back dated the pay to when I got my 70% a year ago July!  The relief from this.. there are not words to describe.  It has been like silence after years of screaming.  Peace when there has been struggle.  No more uncertainty! I have worked since I was about 14.  But now... I am officially 'retired'. I have not been able to work the past two years since my breakdown but I worried about it.  Was it just me who felt like it was too much?  In the end, no.. it wasn't.. It was reality of things that have happened in the past, catching up in the present, but firming up a financial stability I have never known.  My friends all know I have always struggled to work, being successful with people and helping, but not so much with money.  For a few years, I did really really well, but I was mostly supporting others besides myself.  Now, my beloved partner fully supports me and my goals.  I have not had to 'worry' about a home, well, unless something happens to him.  But, now, I have that assured by being able to handle it financially.   I am glad he knew me when I was doing well enough to take him on a vacation to the redwoods one time.  I am incredibly grateful for the love, care and pampering he has given me for all the years I have known him. 

 Justice, not really.. but it is a form of reparation. Following in other's footsteps, I made goals that I am now being able fulfill. A newer car, and mostly travel!  I WILL get to travel freely in Europe with my friends, and that is my main therapy for the year!  And my partner is very supportive of it, even though I will miss him terribly. I hope to be able to fly him over for a few days while I am there. Huh. Fancy that.  

I am sorry that I am rambling.. I am still in a bit of shock.  We had a double birthday party that had been scheduled for a couple of months that was happening at the exact same time.  I am in the midst of planning 3 trips, two to Europe  (one NEXT WEEK!!! To Paris to see a childhood friend) and one to CA next month. And then, what is looking like 10 weeks in Europe this summer.

This HAS all felt incredibly surreal to some degree.  From the finding out (and I still haven't gotten their official letter yet) the case was closed (a week ago today in fact) and I know you can't call.  I didn't want to wait if I could figure out how to find out. So I checked the 'download benefits letters' section and OH MY GOSH.... THERE IT WAS!  That I was now given 100% status for being permanently unemployable.  I printed out those letters before they could vanish from the ether.  Oh, and K was travelling at the time so I was home alone. 0.0  The excitement.. and more.. the relief was.. humbling.  And so I did thank the God who loves me beyond all things and who I am so grateful to.  A new mindset.  So.. yes.. I got a new computer, the one I was using was 8 years old.  I got a mostly new car, the one I was driving was a 98.  The timing was such that I was able to put my Corolla's key on a new key chain, in a little box and give it to my sister friend here as a gift.  Her car was squished by a tree in hurricane Ike.  If I had wanted to plan the timing this way, I could not have.  How amazing is the Unknowable Essence of Love that although I had wanted the $$ for Christmas, this timing, of coming so I could gift this amazing family with my old car, which is still very reliable is 1000's of times better then my plan.  

Soo.  I will still be here though.  I am still watching the boards and commenting every where I can on behalf of veterans rights and MST awareness for both men and women.  I tell everyone I can about it...I owe it to the the others who can't speak out.

But I do want everyone that reads this that might know someone who needs help from the VA, to get it.  I know others that came long before me are still waiting.  That gives me sorrow.  So I will keep speaking out on expediting processing of of claims for veterans too.  

I will say the ebenifits web page really was up to the moment on what was happening and I found that AWESOME!  I didn't know about it when I did my initial filing so it was all a mystery and a surprise. Hmmm.. not sure if it was better to see it processing then be clueless... ah. yeah.. knowing was better.  Although the dates were WAAAAYYYY off.  When it moved to the 2nd to last stage, the ending dates got further out then they had been before.  0.0    So, I figure the VA folks are like Scotty.  They say it won't be done until May 2014-Dec 2015... then the last update was March 2014-Aug 2014.  But ended on Jan 6.  Soo.. they throw out this long ass date, then poof, magic, its done' months and months early! Just like Scotty.. "Right Capt. will be 8 hours."  Capt: "No, I need it in 6!" Scotty " I canna do that Capt, we'll blow the engines, but I'll try"  3 hours later- Scotty: "We ready to go  Capt!" Capt: Your a miracle worker Scotty!"  Scotty with a grin and a wink "Aye Capt!"

Thanks to all who came here.. thanks especially to beloved Joan (from Enemy in the Wire) whom I did text as soon as I found out!   Whooohoooo!!!

So.. signing off for now,
over and out,

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